Woke up this morning feeling really quite fine. Went downstairs, read the paper, had a glass of grapefruit juice and a cup of coffee and decided that, yup, I could go to work today. I was excited. I love being with the team at VOMC.
I called up Sherry, our office administrator who lives not that far from us and asked if she could pick me up (given my dry eyes, I don't drive much anymore) and then went off to get showered and shaved. Somewhere about that time I lost something....
Even in the shower, I felt like some of my strength was ebbing away. I dressed and got ready but noticed that I was breathing a lot harder than usual. "I'll shake this off," I thought. Sitting on the front stairs getting my shoes on, I thought to myself, "Maybe I shouldn't go." But no, I was going to work. Then Sherry showed up and I shuffled off, oxygen tank in hand, and off we went.
But I had a hard time catching my breath in the car and I felt increasingly nauseous. "Do you need to go back?" Sherry asked. "No, it's okay," I answered.
It wasn't. I wasn't. By the time I got to the office, I knew that I had made a mistake. I stayed for our morning prayer time and then reluctantly called my wife at her regular Tuesday morning Bible study to please come and get me (I had forgotten my keys at home and so had no way to get into the house if someone else took me back). I lasted a whole 45 minutes at work. What a waste of everyone's time and energy!
I also know Denita was disappointed; this study is a highlight of her week. I hate being such a burden to her so much of the time. I know she accepts it as part of our life at this stage and I honour her for it but I am saddened that my illness has to be so front and centre of her life and that of others on the mission staff. I never wanted this. I certainly don't deserve the graciousness that they all show to me. But I am so blessed to have such people in my life. I hope they realize just how much I love them.
2 comments:
Glenn, from the wife of a man who has been in pain for the past fifteen years, and has been unable to work more than a couple years here and there, a proud man who's heart breaks that he has to stay at home and I have to work, especially considering I'm not and never have been a "libber" who ever wanted to work; I want to encourage you cuz I'm sure that Denita feels the same way, from hearing you talk about her, it is no burden. I KNOW for a fact that God put us together, and I KNOW for a fact that He has taught me so much and enabled me to grow in ways I never could have imagined because of our family situation. ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER, etc, and I have complete faith in that. It has been my lifeline over the years. Trust, lean not, acknowledge, and HE WILL DIRECT -- That is my most recent lifeline and in these past couple years I have grown leaps and bounds in ways I never would have imagined, and I KNOW it's because I have not been able to stand in my husband's shadow, but have been forced to be strong on my own, while still a submitted wife, a helpmeet. I remember realizing, a few years ago, that God gave me to him because He knew that my husband would need just such a wife as me, and I was honoured to think that I had been specially chosen. God is good, He loves both of us, He has a reason for everything that happens, and what breaks my heart most is when my husband thinks he's a burden. He loves me and I know that. And that is enough. Sorry if I've rambled. I hope this has been an encouragement. I pray for you and Denita and your children every day, mostly for the peace that passes understanding, and that you would have the kind of hope that others can see, that would cause them to ask, "How?" in the midst of such trials. And I am so encouraged by your blog and the VOMC blog and you have no idea how God has used VOMC and your input into that ministry to cause me to grow and become more intense and true to Jesus in my daily prayer time. I thank you so much and I also pray you will have the time you need to complete the desires you have on your heart. I pray God will bring into your life the right student to work along with you, that that one will come away so greatly enriched in a way that would not have happened without your input. God bless you, Glenn.
I love you dad :)
Becky
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