Friday, September 12, 2008

The top 19 ways to annoy people

I am an oldest child.  This means that, among other things, I tend to be an incurable tease (I tyrannized my younger brothers) and have this urge from time-to-time to do things just to get a reaction.  Hence, lists like this are the stuff of life to me:

The top 19 ways to annoy people:

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 150%, dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual massage.”

3. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go”

4. Insist on keeping your windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up”

5. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you think”

6. Practice making fax and modem noises

7. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc” them to your boss.

8. Finish all of your sentences with “in accordance with prophecy”

9. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green and insist to others that you like it that way.

10. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

11. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: “Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, it’s gone now.”

12. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

13. Ask people what gender they are.

14. While making a presentation, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

15. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

16. Sing along at the opera.

17. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.

18. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”

19. Send this list to everyone in your email address book even if they sent it to you or ask you not to send things like this.

4 comments:

Audrey said...

Glenn - this is hilarious - hilarious because I have seen you in action with your brothers!

I used to be TERRIFIED of going to your place as a child! My sisters and I were very gentle, shy, doll-doting girls (no brothers). When going to see you, the parents would sit in the kitchen while we went of to another room. I still have the image burned into my mind of the time you tried to "stuff Jim's head between the couch cushions." I thought of telling your mom, but I worried it would be my head next!

Now that I have a son myself I understand this kind of behaviour a little better.

Glenn Penner said...

Yikes! I am almost terrified of posting your comment, Audrey. I had no idea I was such a nasty big brother. Do I really want to make this public?

Actually, that is not entirely true. I was a bit of a meanie. Thankfully, Jim has forgiven me. I hope....

Jim said...

Forgiveness? Hah! I'm still plotting my revenge.

I don't remember the couch cushions, but I'll add that to my reasons for revenge.

I'm thinking of releasing my most deadly weapon ... my wife. Glenn, you've experienced her in the theological debates in the past, so you know what's coming! Be afraid ... be very afraid.

Glenn Penner said...

Oh my..... the thing I have feared the most has come upon me. Mercy, Jim. Mercy