Silence speaks

The other day one of my coworkers asked me how I really was doing.  The fact that I had been rather silent in my blogs lately was an indication that all was not well.  An astute observation.  As I am getting older and the longer that I have been on this journey with cancer, the less I share when things aren't going well.  The last week has been a bit of a struggle.  While this cold has been hanging on longer than I expected, it never became really serious.  Still, I feel "off." I am shorter of breath than usual, find myself extremely worn out at the end of each day, and feeling nauseous in the mornings.  And I am not even taking any chemo at the present time!

I spoke twice yesterday morning at my home church here in Mississauga for the International Day of Prayer for the Persecuted Church.  The second message went better than the first, largely because during the second one, I finally swallowed my pride and sat on a stool while I was preaching.  It was great being in the pulpit again though.  But it is very tiring. I just don't have much stamina.

Add to that the disappointment of having recently been let down by someone I trusted for a long time.  His actions have impacted me more than I want to admit and given one of my most valued projects a body blow that I am not sure is recoverable.  This is the third time this kind of thing has happened in the last four months, where someone I trusted acted in a way that violated this trust.  Trust is important to me, as anyone who knows me well can attest.

I don't know how all of this will work out.  I am committed, however, to continue, by God's grace, to walk with integrity and faith even if short of breath and heavy of heart.