The top 19 ways to annoy people

I am an oldest child.  This means that, among other things, I tend to be an incurable tease (I tyrannized my younger brothers) and have this urge from time-to-time to do things just to get a reaction.  Hence, lists like this are the stuff of life to me:

The top 19 ways to annoy people:

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 150%, dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual massage.”

3. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go”

4. Insist on keeping your windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up”

5. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you think”

6. Practice making fax and modem noises

7. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc” them to your boss.

8. Finish all of your sentences with “in accordance with prophecy”

9. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green and insist to others that you like it that way.

10. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

11. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: “Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, it’s gone now.”

12. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

13. Ask people what gender they are.

14. While making a presentation, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

15. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

16. Sing along at the opera.

17. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.

18. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”

19. Send this list to everyone in your email address book even if they sent it to you or ask you not to send things like this.

Before you click on that "send & receive" button

In a study last year, Dr Thomas Jackson of Loughborough University, England, found that it takes an average of 64 seconds to recover your train of thought after interruption by email. People who check their email every five minutes (which is about 35% of all users) waste 81/2 hours a week figuring out what they were doing moments before.

"I am offended"

Proverbs 19:11 says, “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offence.”

It is fashionable today to get offended. A recent search on Google of the phrase “I am offended” produced 185,000 results. It’s a powerful statement. Say to someone, “I am offended by what you did” and automatically your problem becomes their problem, regardless of whether the offence was intended or not. It is as if we feel that we have a right not to be offended and we hold the entire world hostage to this expectation.

Christians and non-Christians are equally guilty of this. As the CEO of The Voice of the Martyrs, I hear more than my share of concerns and complaints from those who read our newsletter, website, email news service, or watch our videos. Sometimes what we write and present is offensive to certain people. Some do not appreciate the nature of our ministry and what we stand for and we can make no apology for that.  Sometimes we offend people due to carelessness or oversight.  Other times, we did not anticipate that something might be taken in a certain way.  Many of those who contact us with concerns are godly, well-intentioned people; many give their concerns respectfully and courteously. I value their comments and we are a better organization for having listened to them. Others are less courteous and nothing you say or do will satisfy them. I confess to being especially stymied by those who preface their complaint with, “I found this offensive” or “I was offended by this.” Behind the statement is the expectation that I will admit that they are absolutely right and promise that we will never make this error again. The problem is, sometimes the offence is of such a nature that it would have been difficult or impossible to anticipate; you just can’t always guess what will set someone off.

We need to keep in mind that when a comment seems offensive that it may not have been intentional or aimed specifically at us or our group. We need to consider the context that things are being said or done. Many times, we may have misunderstood and taken wrongly what the other person intended to communicate. Give the person the benefit of the doubt and avoid jumping to conclusions that automatically assumes the worst or plays into our own fears, insecurities or, alternately, our own convictions and pet peeves.

Denita's latest update

Here's a quick update.  We saw the doctor today after spending 4 1/2 mind numbing hours waiting to get into the room.  Glenn's blood work is looking good.  His platelets were up, his hemoglobin was about the same, and his lymphocytes were in the normal range, so it looks like we are on the right track with treatment.  The doctor wants Glenn to stay on the chemo pills for another couple of months and then he'll have scans done to see where things are at.  Glenn has been feeling fairly good aside from the cold he caught about a week and a half ago.  That seems to be going away and the doctor is giving him some antibiotics to make sure it does go away.  Aside from feeling a bit nauseous at times and quite tired, Glenn is managing to put in a full week at work.  Thank you for all your prayers and concern. As long as everything stays about the same, our next appointment to see the doctor is Oct. 6. 

Till then...

Love, Denita

Attention to details

As an obsessive-compulsive, I can really appreciate this cartoon.  While being a perfectionist can be a good thing in that it helps organizations reach a high level of excellence, it can also drive co-workers a little crazy; just ask those who work with me.  Sorry team!

Feeling Better

I picked a good time to get a cold (if such a thing were possible). Having a long weekend to rest up, sleep, and take it easy has got me feeling really quite well. Ready to take on next week at the office.  Just have to be careful not to overdo it.  Thankfully, I have a good staff to help me with that.

Feeling better about Man United now too, as they have signed Berbatov.  If you have no idea what I am talking about, you probably call football, soccer :-).  Check out my widget below on the Manchester United Football Club; only the best football team in the world.

My favourite view

One of the things I truly love about my home is the front patio-style window that faces out of the front of the house onto the street. We are fortunate to live in a neighbourhood that is old enough to have some mature trees on it and tends to be rather quiet in the morning.  It is the view from this window that comes to my mind whenever I am away on a trip and I think of home. 

I think of my wife sitting on the loveseat in front of the window every morning, curled up under a blanket, drinking coffee and reading her Bible.  Our grey and white cat is typically stretched out on her lap and our little black dog is sleeping beside her, rolled up in a little dark ball.  When I am overseas and missing Denita, it is this picture that I see.

Outside, black squirrels run around or jump from branch to branch, performing acrobatic feats that never cease to amaze me.  We have one squirrel across the road who seems determined to have the biggest and most elaborate nest in the neighbourhood.  We have witnessing him dragging entire pieces of newspapers and oversized plastic sheets up to his nest which easily exceeds any other nest on the street.

Across the street, lives a Tamil family from Sri Lanka.  Every morning, the grandfather goes out, dressed in his traditional garb, and has a cigarette.  Sometimes, he sits on the chair by the door but usually he stands out in front of the house, puffing away, hardly inhaling. I can tell that he enjoys it, which is probably why I like watching him smoke.  Or perhaps it is because it is because he is entirely predictable.  Every morning, only one cigarette, and dressed in the same clothes. At this time in my life when things are so unpredictable, I tend to gravitate towards things I can count on.  Regardless of why I enjoy watching him, I would be rather disappointed if he ever quit smoking.

Another constant in my universe is the tree in our front yard that I see every morning. It is a rather lazy tree. In our neighbourhood, it is the last tree in the spring to get its leaves and the first in the fall to drop them.  No idea why it acts this way, but every year it is the same. Endearing, annoying and entirely predictable. 

It's these little things that add colour to our life.  They are the things that make us long for home when away and make us glad to be home when we wish we were away. Over my life, I have seen many things in many countries.  But my favourite view is still the view from my front window.  

Fighting a cold

Pretty much slept the day away, trying to recuperate from a cold that I came down with a couple of days ago. One thing about being immuno suppressed; even the common cold hits you harder and differently than before.  They tend to go straight to my lungs (my weak spot now) and hang on for a long time. Add this to the chemo I am taking and I really wake up in the morning feeling like road kill. 

The thing is, I know that what will likely take me out is not the cancer; it will be pneumonia or something like that. As such, I tend to get concerned about every little sniffle.  Sometimes, I get hard on myself for feeling that way but it is life nowadays for me. There's no hiding from it or pretending that it is not what it is.

Greg's new office

Greg Musselman is my good friend and colleague based in Edmonton. We at the head office have decided that Greg needs to downsize his office in Edmonton and make it a little more cost effective and environmentally friendly. Hence, this is the office we have decided to set up for him before he returns from vacation next week.  I hope he likes it.  Only the best for my buddy.

 

New Office Policy at The Voice of the Martyrs

EFFECTIVE SEPTEMBER 1, 2008

From: Glenn Penner (CEO)

Dress Code:
You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

1) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

2) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

3) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the washrooms. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the washroom door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on Sherry's bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be considered a possible violator of our ethical conduct policy.

Lunch Break:
1) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

2) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

3) Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our organization. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.


The Management