Awake and coughing

It's 11:23 pm and I am up with congestion and that cough that just won't go away. The doctor today couldn't find any reason for it, but he gave me an antibiotic just in case and some "puffers" that, while they seem to have loosened up the congestion, continue to make me wheeze whenever I try to lie down.  Feels like I am drowning and I keep coughing as my body tries to move whatever is in there around.  So much fun!

At least my hemoglobin rates hadn't dropped that much (80), but I will still go in for a couple of units of blood tomorrow. 

I just hope that all of these meds that I have been given lately will actually help me get some sleep soon.  I'm tired but it's tough to sleep with my present congestion. 

Thanks to all of you who have been praying for me.  I have been able to go into work each day this week.  It's been great.  Tomorrow, I'll stay home as I have the transfusion from about 8:30 to 2:00 and then at 4:00 home care is bringing a walker for me to try out when I go out.  They needed to get the tallest one they make.  For those of you who don't know, I'm 6'5".  I've kind of resisted getting one; only old folks use those things with the seat and basket, but last week, as I saw someone making there away around the hospital, I realized that it might give me a little more mobility when I am out and about.

Congestion & Cough

Please pray as I go to the doctor today for my weekly checkup. While it is mostly to see how my blood counts are to see if I need a transfusion tomorrow, I have developed over the last couple of days a rather nasty cough and some conjestion in my chest. This is always a concern for me, having had pneumonia twice in the last two years. Hopefully, it's minor, but we do need to kep our eye on it. So your prayers would be appreciated , especially that the doctors would be able to identify exactly what it is and is not.

Saturday in the blogs

Been having fun today blogging (see my two posts today on http://persecutedchurch.blogspot.com/ on intolerance in the name of human rights and the limits of statistics and my earlier post on this blog).  My daughter says that I am on a blogging frenzy.  I think it might be the prenisone.  As I was saying to Denita at dinner, though, there really isn't much else that I can do on a Saturday.  I can't help much around the house given my low stamina levels, even if I were so inclined to.  A walk around the block?  Not likely.  Can't you just see me dragging an oxygen bottle around, with a cane, shuffling to the end of the driveway and then back again because I have run out of energy.  Shopping?  See above, same scenario.

I am still feeling pretty good though, for which I am grateful.  I did get another transfusion yesterday.  My blood levels were a bit concerning. My platelets have dropped below normal and my white blood cells levels are above normal, which says that my immunity is lowered and my cancer is on the increase.  Still, I have decided to be more concerned with how I am feeling than on what my blood levels are.  The one effects the other, of course. But fixating on the medical records can be a tad disheartening and tends to make that the centre of my life rather than my real priorities (which is what my earlier blogs reflect).  I know that many of you check this blog more to find out more about how I am doing health-wise. I do appreciate that and I will keep you informed that way.  But please do read my other things too.  They reflect the real me, the things I want to be defined by rather than by cancer and blood levels.

Is Canada becoming less democratic?

Years ago, I remembering visiting a then-Reformed Party member in his Ottawa office who was sympathetic to the plight facing Christians in Sudan at the time.  We must have caught him on a bad day, because he opened to those of us there about his frustration and disillusionment with being a member of parliament.  "Useless" was how he felt.  He had come to Ottawa with the intent of making a difference for his constituency and country but the reality of modern-day Canadian government had crushed those dreams. Increasingly, all effective power to make changes has drifted to the centre; the PMO (Prime Minister's Office). 

At the time, I felt that this concentration of power was simply a mark of the Prime Minister in office at the time.  But James Travers, National Affairs Columnist for the Toronto Star, suggests in his article published today entitled "The quiet unravelling of Canadian democracy", this has been going on for some time and that no single party or prime minister is solely to blame.  Our democracy has, he suggested, become more authoritarian and less accountable to the people. The sad truth is that this has gone pretty much unnoticed by an apathetic electorate who knows little about how our government works and cares less. And so today we have a government with muzzled Members of Parliament, a powerless and often anonymous cabinet members (quick, tell me who the Foreign Affairs Minister is?  Even I had to look it up and it's my business to know this!), politicized unelected senior bureaucrats who hold the real power, parties that no longer hold their members accountable or develop policy (or in the Liberal's case, even elect their own leader), and presidential Prime Ministers.  

Please understand that this is not intend as a criticism of the Conservative Party or the present government. I vote Conservative and still believe them to be Canada's best option.  But the fact is, there is a tendency in this fallen world for leaders to grasp as much power as they are allowed to or can get away with.  We, the people of Canada, have allowed this to happen, with nary a squeak of protest.  We have allowed idealism to be swallowed up by pragmatism in the lives of those we elect to power.  This Member of Parliament that I mentioned earlier in the blog is still in parliament and is today a cabinet member.  Nothing cures disillusionment with unfulfilled idealism better than the taste of power. We have allowed parties to abandon their principles for the sake of gaining or maintaining power.  We keep voting for parties (if we bother to vote at all) more out of loyalty than on platform.  I have to confess, though, as I close this blog to a certain degree of scepticism that the drift towards the centre can be stopped (and I dislike scepticism, believing it to be the refuge of the intellectually lazy).  Any incentive to change requires a critical mass of opinion that makes it not only preferable to change but necessary.  Given the general apathy of the Canadian electorate, this critical mass is unlikely to form anytime soon.  I certainly won't live long enough to see it.

Fourth good day in a row

Feeling pretty good today.  In fact, it's the fourth good day that I have had in a row.  While I still need to go for another transfusion tomorrow (my hemoglobin counts are only at 73 today), I suspect that my drug regiment must be about right now.  Am now taking 50 mg prednisone daily, plus a small amount (.5 ml) of morphine every four hours (for some reasons they have found that small does of morphine are really helpful for breathing), and regular use of Advair. Altogether, they seem to be doing the trick.  I have also learned a few breathing tricks like not talking and walking at the same time, making sure that the shower is not too hot, and making sure not to scrunch my shoulders up around my ears (a common thing for those who are having problems breathing to do). Of course, one must not count out the goodness of God, who gives strength to the weak.  I resist the temptation to pull the Lord's work in my life separately from the doctor's work.  I think that two work in tandem. 

Does Faith Prolong Suffering for Cancer Patients?

There is a fascinating article online in Christianity Today this month concerning studies that show that while faith can help in coping with cancer, religious cancer patients often tend to opt for aggressive care in their final days, prolonging their own suffering and leaving behind caregivers who have a hard time adjusting to bereavement.  I would really encourage you to read this fascinating article.

As many of you know, Denita and I have had to address this issue for ourselves in the past few months and weeks. We have decided not to pursue any further aggressive treatments for my cancer and have given directions not to resuscitate me should my heart stop or put me on a ventilator if I should stop breathing, or to put me on artificial life support due to medical circumstances related to my cancer.  It was (and is) not an easy decision but I think it is the right one.  I have seen others engage in all sorts of risky, expensive, and questionable treatments in the attempt to extend life, but only cause greater suffering in the process.  For the Christian, there is more to life than life. I am content with what God has given to me. 

Dr. Hawass an anti-Semite?

World-renowned archaeologist and Secretary General of the Supreme Council of Antiquities in Egypt, Zahi Hawass is a familiar face to many in the West.  He has appeared on numerous television documentaries on ancient Egypt on BBC, Discovery Channel, National Geographic, the History Channel, PBS, and The Learning Channel. His cheerful demeanour and excellent English has, undoubtedly, popularized ancient Egypt and archaeology as few other individuals have.  I have always enjoyed watching him.

So I was disappointed to see a television interview with Dr. Hawass the aired on Egyptian TV on February 11, 2009 in which he makes statements about the Jews like, "For 18 centuries they were dispersed throughout the world. They went to America and took control of its economy. They have a plan. Although they are few in number, they control the entire world....Look at the control they have over America and the media." 

This is sheer ignorant prejudice that one expects from uneducated militants and not from a well-educated Egyptian who makes much of his reputation from this same media.  You can view the video by clicking here or on the picture below.  Then I would encourage you to contact him and ask him to clarify his views on the Jews publicly and in English on his website to his fan club.  He needs to be challenged on this and asked to be as honest with his fans as he was in Arabic to the Egyptian public.

Went to the office today

As the title of this blogs indicates, I spent the day at the office today and really enjoyed being with that great gang of people I call our staff.  It has been over a week since I was able to.  Had a transfusion yesterday which I am sure is part of the reason I was feeling well enough to go in today. 

Tomorrow I am going in for another blood work to see if I need another transfusion.  As I was so low last time, there is a good chance that I would benefit by another one. 

Starting to move a few of my things from the office to my home office (like my iPod dock). I suspect that one of these days, I will have to move a lot more of it and have to commandeer the family room, especially if I end up moving my library here (which I really should do). I want to remain as vital and effective as I can, wherever I am.

Update

After several days of feeling increasingly weak (the stairs in this house are becoming mountains), I went to have my blood levels checked today and discovered that my hemoglobin was down to 65.  Hence, time for a transfusion again.  So, tomorrow morning, I will get another couple of units and then meet with Dr. Sauls for the first time in the afternoon.  He is involved in what is called "pain and symptom management" (also known as palliative care). It is hoped that he will be able to know how to best help me at this time as I seek to live as actively as I can in my circumstances.  "Palliative care"... I know that people often get this confused with hospice care and that such confusion is inaccurate (probably why they call it "pain and symptom management") but I really don't like admitting to needing. Funny how such phrases carry such baggage.

When God seems to be silent

Perhaps when God seems to be silent, it is not because nobody is speaking; perhaps it is because we are unable or unwilling to hear what is being said.